Friday, 22 May 2009

Taking the plunge...

I have been talking the talk for far too advice, telling others what i should tell myself...

I am now going to walk the scared, confused, already thinking of excuses but i want this..i can feel it this time...i dont want ED in my life anymore...It brings nothing but self hate, doubt, loneliness and heartache...I deserve more..I deserve to enjoy what ever time i have left...One reason i have kept ED with me for so long, is i am afraid people wont care for me anymore if im not, people will care for me more because i will actually see them and be able to give my all in friendships and relationships!i will be engaging and not just present, in order to realise people will still love me i have to get to the place im frightened off and realise that i was worried about nothing!

Its time to face my fears...yes there will be challenges but im going to embrace them with all my determination and strength...ED tells me i have been doing fine like this for so long but i want more...I did an exercise last night...i wrote a list of my typical day (with ED) and my typical day (without ED) with ED i am boring, structured, stuck in routines and not living...without ED i can be free, fun, spontaneous and enjoying whatever each new day brings!

I hope i can do this....any advice would be greatly appreciated...i would love to hear how you all push through and embrace getting healthy both body and mind!

Love you all xxxxx


  1. Good for you for making this decision! It is tough, but definitely worth it. You are right that you will be able to give far more in relationships when you aren't engaging in eating disordered behaviours too - when I was at my worst I felt like the eating disorder had stolen my personality, I could barely hold a conversation. It's amazing to feel like I have something to talk about again!!
    The advice I would give you is to practise trying to separate yourself from the eating disorder. When you have a thought about food or weight, tell yourself that this is a symptom of the eating disorder, it's not real. I know that sound simplistic and it doesn't solve everything obviously :p but it really does help take the power away from the thoughts. It's an illness, just like cancer or diabetes. If you tell yourself that, it starts to become something that you want to fight. I would definitely recommend reading 'Life Without Ed' too, it's a wonderful book!
    You are more than welcome to email me, add me to MSN/facebook/whatever if you want to talk, I would do anything I can to help :)

  2. :hugs: I know how you are feeling, and I am so proud of you for deciding not to let the ED rule your life any longer. It is a hard road, for sure. Something my mother always tells me is "This may be the hardest battle you will ever fight. But it is the most worthwhile. This is your life." No matter the second guessing or the anxiety or fear - it is possible to push through those feelings and find yourself a better way. I know you can do this. If you ever need anything, feel free to drop me a message - my email's

  3. Wow! It's so fantastic that you've decided to do this. Walking the walk is one of the most frightening, amazing, gratifying experiences you'll have. You're so much more than your ED, and you deserve to just get out there and live life to its fullest, free of restriction and rules! The way I push through it is's something that has to be done. There's no way around it. ED is a liar and living life based on those lies is really not living life at all, it is inf act damaging to my health, my future and my relationships. Plus, I wanna be able to help OTHERS get through this and to enjoy food, because food is awesome. xD
    You can do this!

  4. I am so proud of you.
    I am in the exactly same boat as you..
    I have been giving advice and encouragment, but not acting upon it myself.

    it is so frightful and so scary..
    I feel too that no one will care for me when im "better".. when im "happy".. etc..

    but i also know that that is ED talking.. Sometimes, I find it so hard to disiefer between DEVAN and ED.. :"(


  5. Hi! I found you through Katie...
    WHen you wrote "One reason i have kept ED with me for so long, is i am afraid people wont care for me anymore if im not sick", it sounded exactly like what I feel/think. You took the words right out of my mind. :)