Wednesday, 15 April 2009

what is in a comment....

Thank you girls for your comments on my last is what i want in the future and hope to acheive someday soon...

Had a hard day many thoughts whirling round my brain...what do i want? what is holding me back? why cant i push myself? WHY WHY WHY...Am i ready for recovery? Its like i have an angel (me) on one shoulder and a devil on the other (ED) every thought i have the other opposes it..good or bad...

I have so many reasons for wanting to get better and everytime i find a new reason i keep focussing on it so much i lose sight of it and it doesnt feel so important to get there and achieve it... im just scared..everyone says you have to truly what to recover to reach it, and i thought i did but im not showing the signs..

And to top it off, some collegues at work made comments about my weight...someone was handing out cake and i didnt have any..this girl then decided she would share her views on me 'course she doesnt eat..she's too thin too eat' then another person actually asked me if i eat!! i was so embarrassed...why do people think they can openly comment on an underweight person? people who are thin are seen as vain...they dont see the pain..

I do want to recover i really really really really do...just wish i could push myself...i know its about baby steps but im struggling to even make those!

All i know is all of your wonderful blogs keep me going and show me recovery is possible

Thank you



  1. my love -
    I am so sorry about that girls comments and if it hurt your feelings in any way. Just try reminding yourself that people are going to make comments like that - everyone has their own opinions - but what is truly unimportant is uncovering how YOU feel.. listening to that angel on your shoulder, and focusing on your recovery. Don't allow ignorant people to hinder your process, girl <3

  2. Those comments were so uncalled for. People don't realize at times how much their words can hurt. Recovery is possible. Some days, it is all about the baby steps. Listen to the angel and your heart. You can do it. I have faith in you.

  3. I'm so sorry about those comments at work. I really blame the way our culture "exposes" us to illnesses--most people are familiar with anorexia only through models and celebrities, and automatically think it's some vanity issue. They don't get it's a control thing--a way of exacting our unhappiness or stress; but no one ever assumes it's a mental thing. These are the same people who think recovery is as simple as, "You just need a cheeseburger!"

    You're going to be fine--it's just a rough patch, and believe me when I say we ALL have them, and sometimes frequently. It gets better! Just keep your eye on the prize and remember how strong you are!

  4. I'm so sorry a colleague made that comment. That was extremely inappropriate of her to do so.

    Baby steps are key. The motivation for recovery must come from within yourself. Look back at your A-Z and really focus on that when you're eating.

    I'm proud of you everyday, keep fighting!
    Love ya,

  5. I hate ignorant people. Pay them no mind and don't let their comments hinder your recovery. You are worth more than a few stupid comments!

  6. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Deciding to commit 100% to recovery and really making those changes is hard, you can't do it until you are ready. Until then you are doing all the right things by thinking about your motivation and trying to make baby steps. Just hang in there <3

  7. You take the words right out of my mouth. I know that you want to recover so badly and it just seems like this desire is so strong, but the actual action part is just so...well, it's just lacking. Unfournately, there is no easy answer, other than just to do it. As your change the behavior, the thoughts will begin to get smaller and smaller. Maybe your motivation should just be "Because I deserve to live." Because once your truly living, everything you ever wanted will come to you.
    Don't listen to the fools you work with. You can't expect them to understand what food and weight means to you and it has nothing to do with just being thin.
    Keep on doing your best. Chin up!

  8. comments are really difficult- no matter WHAT they are, they are bound to hurt...

    hang in there chica xxx

  9. hi sweetheart,
    im so sorry about those people making those comments. i hate how people think they can comment on thin people...i mean if someone was over weight would they have said to her "oh i bet you want this whole cake?" no they wouldnt becaus they wouldnt want to make inappropriate comments as ovweight people find it a sensitive issue, yet they think its differnt if we are underweight? ugh, people can be mean, but keep that head up hun!

    keep fighting and taking babysteps hun because even the smallest steps in the right direction DO make such a difference...and success is gettig up one more time then falling down!
    keep positive,
    much love

  10. Start small. You'll end big. The fact that you KNOW you want recovery and you can think of reasons WHY you should recover means you ARE ready! You are! You are seeing the light..keep heading towards it. =) Of course the devil will be on your shoulder, when it's all you've known for a long time, of course it would still be there and be harder to shut it up for good. But honestly, you are doing so well and every little thing counts. I can so relate to you on the angel/devil comment..I recently wrote a short story about EDs for my creative writing class and I wrote almost the exact same thing. =)
    Those people don't know what you're going through..unfortuntely a lot of people will assume that every thin person is extremely vain and not true, they have no idea what's going on. You know who you are, you know your struggles, you're getting through them slowly but surely, and that is all that matters.

  11. Hi Sweet,

    I can't believe how insensitive that coworker was! Why is it acceptable to comment about those who are underweight but not about those who are overweight? I'm so sorry!

    One thing I did during recovery was to write down all of the reasons for recovery along with quotes, pics of me as a little girl, and Bible verses and post them all over the house. It helped keep me motivated.

    With Love,


  12. Hello my name is Ribbon and I have just arrived here via another blog.
    Sorry to read in this post that you are struggling with an eating disorder. I wish you all the best with your recovery. May I suggest that you start asking yourself HOW to go about the baby steps... rather than WHY.

    We are amazing creatures that are able to heal ourselves if and when we want to. Sounds to me like you have some wonderful support from your fellow bloggers which is great.

    Take care and look forward to your recovery.

    best wishes Ribbon

  13. hi girlie,
    so glad you are determined to recover 100%- yet sorry you've been struggling. I just scanned your last post- such a beautiful way or wanting and thriving on life! Try to ignore the negative comments- they have no clue of what you are battling, they shouldn't bring you down! Remember, recovery is YOUR option- it's your life, you can choose- we have to be super brave, step out of our comfort zone and take many challenging risks in order to successfully recover- take it in baby steps!
    Laci ;-)

  14. Hey! Thanks so much for the kind words about my blog! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you like it! I love your blog too! Can't wait to keep reading :)

    I am so determined to recover too! Amen to that girl! I'm sorry about your coworker though..people really don't think before they say certain things these days, it's really unfortunate that they don't even understand what they're saying as well, and don't realize that their words can really hurt. But just remember, you are who YOU want to be, and only YOU can define yourself! Don't let anyone else try to do it for you, especially ED.

    Have a great night :)

    LOVE, Meg

  15. Oh sweetie....this post makes my soul ache. ED is the devil on your shoulder...and it is a constant and difficult battle with him everyday. You do have to want it, you do have to fight so hard for it. For with me, he only gets more tricky and more evil and finds even more twisted ways to try and break you down as you grow stronger. Living is something you have to want more than anything else in the world. This includes your body changing, not being the thinnest person in the room, some discomfort in your metamorphosis, and lots of angst. But eventually (i am promised) it gets a little easier and a lot better. So that's the goal. I'm sending you hugs and i'm hear if you need a helping hand xoxox t

  16. You're absolutely lovely! I just wanted to let you know your comments make me smile :)

    Love, Meg