My gosh there has been so many inspirational posts recently...its overwhelming, thought provoking and motivating!
Some of things i have been picking up on are intution, natural set point, who we are without ED and friendships...
This was a tricky one for me...then i thought..if i asked my family and friends to describe 'me' before ED and now when i hide him away from the world they would say she is:
Funny (i like to be the joker of the pack!)
A Drama Queen! :)
Puts everyone before herself (something i do think i need to work on to find balance of looking after me aswell)
Loud (especially when i get over excited!)
etc (dont you love it when you recognise the good things about yourself and how you could write more?)
And i have always been a daughter, friend, grandaughter, neice and older sister..My little gorgeous sister emailed me the other day saying how much she loves me and how everyone has a superhero they look up to, and i was hers...she said she isnt ready to see the fall of supergirl...and im not either.
NATURAL SET POINT
This was a strange thing to think about, i mean, before ED i was never big and i used to eat and eat till i was literally stuffed after every meal! i had a huge apetite...thinking about this has made me wonder why i think i would ever uncontrollably gain weight?! i know we all have a set point, where our bodies understand hunger and fullness and where it is 'natuarally' suppose to be in order to function to its best and perform like clockwork...im not sure what is really making me jepordise this...
I really struggle with this and i think it is beacuse i have caused damage to my body i am not yet able to distingish between hunger/full/balance/cravings....etc....
How did you guys recognise these signs and listen to your body? i cant yet hear what it is telling me...
I think this is the main point and i suppose a huge focus of mine to get 'me' back...Before ED i was the life and soul, fun, good to be around and always there for my friends...I still am that person when i 'allow' myself to go out (more to the point when ED allows me too!) but i always feel like i am trying to work hard on being who i am instead of letting it just flow due to anxiety of things around me? can anyone else relate?
I also get sooo paranoid nowadays...'my friends dont like me' 'i always let them down' 'they dont find me fun anymore' that is just not true....the friends who do have some clue about my ED recently said to me that before they knew they just thought i was too busy with other groups of friends (i have different groups who dont know each other) and THEY felt rejected! One thing i didnt realise whilst being so wrapped up with ED is that other people feel insecure and just because they dont have the demon in their head they have feelings...once i sorted this out with them they understood that i did want to go out etc with them i just panic beforehand...there is no pressure now though which is good, but also to 'safe' where now im worried i wont push myself to go out...time will tell i suppose!
I guess you could say i have been struggling abit this week, but reading all your blogs has given me inspiration to try and get through this bad patch...i will come out the other end fighting!
Thank you for all your thoughts and coping methods on certain situations :)
LOVE YOU ALL xxxx
All Is Well (2015) Full Length
1 year ago