Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Blogtastic :)


My gosh there has been so many inspirational posts recently...its overwhelming, thought provoking and motivating!
Some of things i have been picking up on are intution, natural set point, who we are without ED and friendships...

This was a tricky one for me...then i thought..if i asked my family and friends to describe 'me' before ED and now when i hide him away from the world they would say she is:
Funny (i like to be the joker of the pack!)
A Drama Queen! :)
Puts everyone before herself (something i do think i need to work on to find balance of looking after me aswell)
Loud (especially when i get over excited!)
etc (dont you love it when you recognise the good things about yourself and how you could write more?)

And i have always been a daughter, friend, grandaughter, neice and older sister..My little gorgeous sister emailed me the other day saying how much she loves me and how everyone has a superhero they look up to, and i was hers...she said she isnt ready to see the fall of supergirl...and im not either.

This was a strange thing to think about, i mean, before ED i was never big and i used to eat and eat till i was literally stuffed after every meal! i had a huge apetite...thinking about this has made me wonder why i think i would ever uncontrollably gain weight?! i know we all have a set point, where our bodies understand hunger and fullness and where it is 'natuarally' suppose to be in order to function to its best and perform like clockwork...im not sure what is really making me jepordise this...

I really struggle with this and i think it is beacuse i have caused damage to my body i am not yet able to distingish between hunger/full/balance/cravings....etc....
How did you guys recognise these signs and listen to your body? i cant yet hear what it is telling me...

I think this is the main point and i suppose a huge focus of mine to get 'me' back...Before ED i was the life and soul, fun, good to be around and always there for my friends...I still am that person when i 'allow' myself to go out (more to the point when ED allows me too!) but i always feel like i am trying to work hard on being who i am instead of letting it just flow due to anxiety of things around me? can anyone else relate?
I also get sooo paranoid nowadays...'my friends dont like me' 'i always let them down' 'they dont find me fun anymore' that is just not true....the friends who do have some clue about my ED recently said to me that before they knew they just thought i was too busy with other groups of friends (i have different groups who dont know each other) and THEY felt rejected! One thing i didnt realise whilst being so wrapped up with ED is that other people feel insecure and just because they dont have the demon in their head they have feelings...once i sorted this out with them they understood that i did want to go out etc with them i just panic beforehand...there is no pressure now though which is good, but also to 'safe' where now im worried i wont push myself to go out...time will tell i suppose!

I guess you could say i have been struggling abit this week, but reading all your blogs has given me inspiration to try and get through this bad patch...i will come out the other end fighting!

Thank you for all your thoughts and coping methods on certain situations :)



  1. Thank you for sharing this post, love :) It is so informative and really puts in to perspective how much we need to TRUST OUR BODIES and not ED. You are such an amazing person and don't deserve for ED to define you any longer - you have so much more going for you, girl!

    have a beautiful day! <3 xo

  2. hey girl! thanks for being so open and honest - it's amazing what that can do for YOU! im so glad that you've been enjoying my posts as much as i have been yours, you're wonderful =)

    oh, leave me your e-mail address and i'll shoot you one back so you can have mine! i dont really want have my address out there on the blog, but i would love to hear from you!

  3. thank you for the sweet comment you left on my blog- always great to hear from feloow recoverers!

    REALLY good post and am glad you shared this... I think intuitive eating takes a REALLY long time- if you think about it, most people lose that on some level as they grow up- they eat at lunch break at work, they finish a meal put in front of them. It takes a lot of work to really tune in to what your body is telling you. Set point follows the intuition- I am a firm believed that if you are listening to your body when it tells you it needs food, liquid, sleep, ice cream...it finds where it functions best, ya know?

    hang in there- look forward to getting to know you better!

  4. Wow, where do I even start in replying to this. This was such a great post and we got to know so much more about you through it.

    I guess first I will address, that I have no idea when I am hungry or full. I find that when I really focus on only eating when I am hungry, I wind up eating a lot less and skip snacks. I am probably hungry, but I just don't know -- i think is that feeling hunger? Well if I am not sure it's hunger then I am sure it's not.

    Also, on the friends note, I have so much anxiety about going out unless it's with my best and closest friends. But most of teh time, I need a day to prepare myself mentally for going out and being social. If someone tells me at noon that they are going out after work for a drink, I just can't bring myself to do it. It wasn't it my plans. My plans were to go home, make dinner and watch TV -- I can't break those plans!

    It just totally freaks me out. Anyways, basically I am saying, it's good to know others can relate somewhat.

    I hope you are having a great day. Take Care!

  5. beautiful post! i like to be the joker of the pack too :) you are still all of those things. you have the capacity to rediscover those qualities and possess them even more passionately now!