Sunday, 15 February 2009

wonderfully weird....

Wow what a weekend!

First things first, HAPPY VALENTINES weekend love bugs :) Hope you all had a love filled time however you spent it...

So, friday night i had a night out with my uni girls, we all graduated a couple of years ago so it is always nice to get back together and have a few drinkies! ED messed with me a bit before hand but once i was out and dancing i had a great time!

This is where the wonderfully weird part and the boy decided that we would just go for a couple of drinks on the sat night and have our proper Valentines next week (saves us money and we wouldnt need to book anywhere, romantic i knw haha)..So, we went to one of our locals where there was a the start of his rounds, he came to our table first..he began doing some tricks, and my gosh i dont knw how he did it!! He then did this rope trick, basically he cut the rope in half and then asked me to knot it back together, i dont knw how he did it but the rope ended up as one piece (even thou he cut it) and the knot came off! its hard to explain but it was magic! he then said to me, 'i can tell by being near you that you are a kind and generous person' he asked my boy if that was right, and of course he said yes :). The magician then said, 'i can also tell that you are at the start of a journey and you are trying to overcome something'! he then handed me the knot that came off the rope and said 'this is your lucky knot, carry it with you and it will help you on your way'....Girls, i can not tell you how speechless i was and i just wanted to about a sign to get better!!!

I also had a conversation with my wondeful stepdad, he said that i am stronger than anyone he has known and that i have the strength to get through this...he also made an AMAZING POINT that i think we can all relate to..He said if you have the will power and determination to restrict and starve,no matter how hungry, ill, pressured by friends/family etc you are then you can channel that determination to not starve and overcome ED thoughts...just see it the otherway round now..instead of battling YOURSELF and thoughts, battle ED Thoughts now, we all think we are not strong and struggle to do this but it is becaue we are so strong and have such willpower that we face the obstacles we do...we have very good will power and should change that to benefit ourselves and not ED.

I hope you are all having a wonderful, ED free sunday...we deserve all the happiness in the world :)

Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  1. I love that perspective (that it takes strength to restrict, therefore we can have healthy strength as well)--your stepdad sounds like an incredibly wise and caring man!!

    I'm so glad you enjoyed the magic show and received the lucky knot "boost" towards certainly deserve it!

  2. Awww!!!!!!!! Great post, that lucky knot thing is so cool. Keep fighting your ED. He is a huge liar. Don't let him give you shit! We can do this girl, I'm so glad we have each other for support.
    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
    Hang in there!!

  3. hi dear!! :D I'm so glad u had a great weekend! i'm so freaked- we are SO similar..I have a stepdad too, who is literally amazing. We have such great talks, and he is SUCH an amazing part of my support system. I'm responding to your email in a bit :D xo

  4. Sounds like you had a great weekend--you are so lucky to have an awesome stepdad. Yay for drinks + dancing :)

  5. HI L0VEBUG.

    Yes I am finally here... Took my punk ass long enough. I'm sorrry <333

    So here are my thoughts, take them as you will: In my mind, to think of restricting as a STRENGTH, only gives Ed more power to thrive on. I, for one, am S0 MUCH STR0NGER when I have the strength to eat and take care of my body. Unfortunately, it is so much easier for me to restrict. Mentally, anyway. But physically, I can't tell, because I have done it for so long that I don't feel much when I do. In fact, Ed tells me I feel happier, stronger, more vibrant. I actually feel DRUGGED when I restrict. Seriously, it's like being in a drug-induced state for me. An escape from reality. THAT IS WEAKNESS. (To use drugs for happiness... Well at least one is IN TUNE with their emotions... At least they WANT to be happy.) But to do it to be THINNER? Ed may tell me I'm stronger, but lord knows I'm only as strong as my body is healthy... And if I don't have a period, well, I am not healthy (yet). (TMI? Sorry.) I think, for me, at least, it's so important to see Ed as the weakness. And HANNAH as the strong one. HANNAH is the one who is free and healthy and VIBRANT and FULL 0F LIFE. Ed has N0THING to do with Hannah. And Ed has nothing to do with Julz. WE ARE WH0 WE ARE. And Y0U, my dear, are PERFECT. <333

  6. I didn't mean to say when one does drugs, he/she is in tune with their emotions... I meant that AT LEAST they may intentionally be trying to ease themselves emotionally... Rather than your brain simply operating as if it is drugged because of starvation. (Does this make sense AT ALL??)

  7. Your stepDad sounds like an amazing and supportive man!!! :) :)

  8. Just reading this made me feel so emotional. First of all, the magician is truly magic!!! You are on the start of a great journey to a healthier life! And your stepdad sounds so amazingly supportive!!!

    It just sounds like a fabulous weekend! I am so glad you had a great Valentine's Day!

    Take Care!!!

  9. That's a really interesting perspective and I think there's a lot of truth behind it... Restriction/starvation is TEDIOUS and TIRING, but it also takes a lot of strength to stop and move forward... You ARE strong though and you can work past it! Once you start, it's a lot easier than you might think! I believe in you!

  10. glad you had such a great v-day hun :) keep up the positive attitude! your doing great!

  11. I love the great attitude. We are strong women! We can recover...and it does take determination, strength and hope.

  12. oh my gosh, i love that story with the knot! youre awesome, and i so appreciate your strong attitude! we can do it!

  13. Hi there! I just wanted to thank you for being my 1st (and ONLY- LOL) blog watcher so far. i must apologize for my posts being all mixed up chronologically - i need to figure that out. But thank you for your inspirational writing and for watching mine too. I look forward to supporting one another going forward! xo terri

  14. thanks so much for all your sweet comments hun :) i really appreciate the support! hope your having a nice friday