Sunday, 22 February 2009

Mixed bag

Hello everyone!

I am so sorry i have been bad at blogging, i have been keeping up with all of yours and commenting but i have been really busy and i suppose just didnt really know what to write...been a mixed bag of emotions this week!
On the one hand i have been brimming with positivity to get better, and EMBRACE everything that comes with recovery..i just cant wait for the day where i can look at myself and love what i see and embrace my womanly curves and my positive mindset and get back the fun loving girl i used to be! And minute/hour/day i am scared again....scared of losing my identity, scared of hating myself more, scared of how long i will feel like this...and then the cycle begins again...i remind myself i want to get better for myself, for my family/friends, to have children, to not hurt anymore and to look like the beautiful woman i am not a child...
I am sure alot of you can relate to our minds being in overdrive, and knowing i am not going through this alone is such a big help...also reading such inspirational blogs shows me that if you guys can be strong an embrace change, and confront your fears then so can I!

Sorry for this mixed post...i feel better already writing it all out...and with that i will leave you with some inspiration i have read in blogs, emails, texts that will confirm to me that i HAVE to get better :)

'see gaining in all aspects as gaining health'

'a nourished body= a nourished mind and soul'

'we have the ability to be whatever we want to be'

'i want you to be happy and healthy, so i can be happy and are my role model'

'Embrace being a woman- curves=beauty'

'I want to be a mummy some day'

'we are lucky enough to choose health over ED'

'this journey can only make us stronger..'

'do things that make you truely happy, we only have one shot at life, lets make it memorable!'

'surround youself ith healthy, positive people'

'LOVE YOURSELF- loving who you are is the key to happiness'


  1. I know how frustrating it can be to debate between the positive and negative aspects of recovery, but just know, there are SO many positive things that come out of being healthy. Like you said, loving yourself and accepting yourself is worth the fight. Also, being able to have children, and be a role model and live out your dreams. I am so proud of you for opening up and sharing your emotions. This is the first step in getting better. You can do this, girl. I will be behind you 100% and do whatever I can to help you out! I believe in you! You are worth it :)
    Love love love,

    p.s. - Continue being positive and tell yourself that the girl you used to be IS IN THERE. You can be that girl again. I know it!

  2. LOVE the collection of wisdom you have taken from blogs--we are truly lucky to be a part of such an amazing, strong community of women!!

    I completely understand the mind dichotomy...feeling the pull to go in two different directions, and struggling to follow the healthy one. Keep on using those positive strategies (reading the positive words of others is recovery is one of my favorites!) and you'll get there...and remember it takes time, so allow yourself room to breath and realize that it won't happen overnight, but that is okay and meanwhile you are making steady steps.

    I have some affirmations and lists of reasons why recovery is so important to me on the wall by my bed, on my fridge, on my cupboards, AND on my bathroom mirrors...a little excessive, but that way EVERYWHERE I go I see reminders of WHY I want to get healthy.

    Hope you had a fabulous weekend!!

  3. I can relate a lot to the swinging between wanting to recover followed by negativity. It's been really difficult to be so split in two- someone posted on my blog that yes, it's horrible, but at least there is now that healthy and motivated part in there now! I've also found that blogging is helping- whether it's a good day or a bad day, just reaching out/reading other blogs makes me feel less alone in this and I find the blogs I read really motivating :)

    hope your sunday is going

  4. Wonderful! You sound so positive and happy in this post. I am so excited that you are living in health and happiness!! :)

  5. hi hun
    i love all the affirmations :) theyre all so beautiful and so SO true!
    you know how you said your ready to embrace recovery and a healthy body and mind but then you feel scared...thats ed...he gets into our heads and makes us feel scared of living a life without him, one with happiness.
    keep up the positivity hun :)

  6. Hello sweetie!

    I understand missing the gblog world. I have been on business and have managed to post but have been missing out on a lot of reading. And now my home compy is broke, which is making things even harder.

    i am so glad that your otlook is able to stay positive. Recovery is a long and sifficult journey, but it takes you to a place you could never be without it. It takes you to a healthy life that you own, not ED. The affirmations from other blogs really made me feel happy and hopeful.

    Take Care sweetie