Friday, 27 March 2009

Needing a lift

Hello Girlies,

Hope all are well and enjoying life where ever you are in the world :)

I had lots to say and things to touch on, but you know, im just not feeling inspirational or like i can put all the thoughts, feelings into words...I just feel like i am stuck in a rut and need to shake things up abit..but i just dont know how..

As many people have touched on, we have to fake it till we make it but i am so tired of constantly fighting ED seems with trying to recover, ED speaks louder and more agressively than ever before. Dont get me wrong, i am doing better than i have in years...i just have to keep fighting, i am just feeling drained right now and wish for the day things seem that bit easier...

That being said, i have been doing better seeing friends (well last week i was, i have been extra tired this week!) and i have got myself a temporary job to earn some cash whilst looking for my dream career :). I think that is part of my problem though, i am scared of my routine going out the window and losing my 'current' structure...but you know, this could be what i need for my next step in recovery.

I will be back with a more motivating and inspiring post soon for sure :)

Lots of love xxxx


  1. You are doing so well, girl. I am beyond proud of everything you have accomplished. GREAT JOB SEEING MORE FRIENDS THIS WEEK. It helps so much to get out and do things with people, or just get out of the house in general. I'm glad you got a temp job too. Keep fighting, your next step in recovery might be right around the corner. stay positive!
    Love you,

  2. Hey--don't ever forget that you're amazing and inspiring for the fact that you're fighting this. Not every post needs to be "uplifting" so long as you're honest about where you're at and want to get better! That's where all the hope truly comes from. : ) Congrats on the job--that's an enormous step and shows how brave and determined you are!

  3. hi hun
    your doing so so fantastic :) i know it can be scary thinking about such big routine changes, but remeber...there really isnt anything to be scared of..this is ed telling you to fear the positive changes!
    keep being who you are, your such a strong person!
    much love

  4. Hooray for seeing friends--I've been working on that, too, and every time I manage to get out of my isolated bubble I find myself asking, "Why was that so hard?? Look at what you are MISSING by hiding from the world."

    I COMPLETELY understand feeling drained and in a many people have told me in the last week how long a process recovery is, and while I think they meant it to be helpful, I find myself struggling with the thought that this is how my life will be for quite a while...but that is what this blogging community is for-helping each other through these "ruts" and finding comfort in the fact that, while it is a slow, painful process, freedom from these feelings WILL happen if we continue to press on and move forward.

    "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. Do the thing you think you cannot do.”

    This is one of my favorite quotes...and something I am trying to do in my life right now. I would never, ever say that I am thankful for my ED, but it happened, and is part of my life, and all I can do is LEARN from these struggles and the pain and emerge a STRONGER person because of are doing SO well, and all of these hard feelings have a place in shaping the giving, intelligent, beautiful person that you are!

    Sorry, that was quite a ramble...hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

  5. I completely agree that ED tends to be louder, and almost with constant in your life with recovery. I mean, I feel like I am now just consumed by ED thoughts--much more than I was when I wasn't committed to recovery. I think it is because we are finally fighting ED.
    I think that a change in routine is definitely something that will help you with recovery. It's all about getting out of that comfort zone, and if we gotta fake it to make it, then by all means, Fake it.
    Because we will eventually make it.
    Sending lots of positive energy your way.
    Take care.

  6. hey girlie
    i am glad you are getting back into the swing of things :) your doing fabulous !

  7. Hey girl! i know its hard...but just try to focus on how far you've come since you've started with all of this. you havent gotten this far by not making progress. if it weren't for the lows, the highs wouldnt matter.

    have a great weekend!

  8. Don't ever feel bad for not posting something that's uplifting or inspiring - we're all fighting the same battle and we all have days that are harder than others. I'm really glad you've been getting out to see friends more and landed a part-time job - that's so exciting! Kudos to you for breaking free of your routine!

  9. Stay strong girlie<3 Maybe less "structure" will be beneficial in the long run. I'm a VERY structured person in everything I do, whether it's with food or other things. It's hard to step away from structure, but I believe we all have the strength to do so! Lets show ED that's HE MEANS NOTHING!

    There are days I feel drained as well with dealing with ED. Some days his voice is SO LOUD and I cannot take it! We are in this together.. we have each others backs. You are not alone! This is a tough journey, but without the pain we wouldn't be growing and learning.

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  12. gosh my post was not workinggg...but maybe now it will lol. yay for getting back in the swing of things girl! i got a part time job just to have something to while recovering and it has actually been one of the best decisions i have ever made. I waitress at a fun chain restaurant and its like no pressure work and i have met some really great people that are just so carefree, i thinkk that would be great for you, plus a little spending money never hurt anyonee ;-) xxx stay strongg girl your are fabulous

  13. Darling--
    I pray that this moment of struggling dissipates soon, but its these moments that create a distinction between pain and pleasure. I know you will pick yourself up from this, just like you have in the past. Where you are now doesn't have to be where you stay. Pick up your bags, lock the door behind you, and walk on out, to a place that makes more sense, that fits more with your ideal life. I know this isn't what you want. But its so hard to identify what we DO want.

    I agree, recovery is an uphill battle that never ends. Ed's loud voice may reduce to a soft buzz, or it may exacerbate every tiny move you make with a vengeance more ferocious than ever. I suppose we must simply keep going. Keep hearing all the volumes and choose which one sounds best. Normally it's the one where Ed is loud as hell, but we are louder. SCREAM!!!!! let it out. I do. My neighbors probably think I live with an abusive boyfriend. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT". Nope, just talking to my eating disorder, friends :D No worries, don't call the cops!

    Love you,

  14. Thanks so much for the comment :) I hope things start to look up for you. Good luck with that job--keep on going strong. Much love
    <3 Jess :)

  15. Congrats for the job and friends!
    Keep fighting girl, LIFE is worth it! :)

  16. ED is pissed. You know why? Because you're fighting. You're fighting more than ever, and it's working. You're getting stronger and ED is trying with all his might to get you back to his side. But pshh, you have come so far for that!
    Surround yourself with those you love and trust, and remember to let out your anxieties and feelings. It honestly does help.
    And you are so right..breaking free of your current routine will only keep you moving towards the right path. =)
    Enjoy your week lovely!