Tuesday 3 March 2009

Realisation...

Thank you girls....All your comments helped me realise so much and truly helped in so many ways :) Love you guys!!

I hope this isnt triggering to anyone......

I think my problem is i worry before i have even started! I am just relating to past experiences when i would excessively restrict and then eat and obviously my body would hold on to this! i was in a vicous cycle because then i would restrict even more to lose that and so on even though, like my therapist explained it was most likely water weight....and all for one meal... my body must have been hurting! no food, then one meal? is it any wonder it clung on for dear life......thanks to all your comments i know that when i start eating properly (including things i 'want') my body wont balloon, it will start getting used to eating substansial meals and snacks and even out...AND relating to
Lee and Amy's posts, if its not uncomfortable, then we are not recovering to our full extent! we need to push boundaries and if that means initially gaining weight (and i really need to anyway!) then thats a good thing..I need to get to a healthy weight to nourish my mind body and soul....I am not going to use numbers or anything as it isnt about that, but lets just say im NOT a healthy weight and i have a long way to go, i want to feel good in my own skin and like a woman that i am! and i need to stop worrying so much and embrace recovery...I want to look back and be so proud of how far i have come and i want to be free of ED fully and forever..

Wow, sorry girls just think i needed to get that out...i thought i was doing ok, but i obviously wasnt..i was trying to recover without gaining?!! but that is the first step, as your brain cant recover without your body...and anyway, i want a womans body to be proud of...i have realised that now..I will push more than ever..wish me luck girls...

Loves xxxxx

13 comments:

  1. I remember during one of my first meetings with my doctor and nutritionist, I said something like, "I don't want to gain or to lose any weight right now. I just want to stay where I am."

    He replied, "You can't lose the disorder and keep the underweight body. You've got to be able to change inside and out."

    It's been hard coming to terms with all of that, but obviously he's so right. And as you eat more and the weeks go by, you really do start to feel better and like things about yourself again. : ) It just takes time and some faith that you're doing the right and healthy thing.

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  2. I am so proud of you for embracing the idea that a womanly body IS something to proud of. You are SO on the right track. I believe in you and am wishing you all the best on your journey! Just know, I'm right here with you, every step of the way. You know you can always e-mail me and we can chat about whatever is bothering you. Speaking of which - I need to return the e-mail you sent me the other day! Sorry for such a delay. Anyway, love you, stay strong, believe in yourself, and have faith! You are capable of achieving all of your goals. Go for it!

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  3. hey girl =)

    recovery and gaining go hand in hand, but at least you have the right mindset now!!! keep pushing, you GOT this!!

    thanks for all of your support, and i'm right here for you! xoxo

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  4. Hey sweetie~

    This disease is so entwined between mental and phsycial, that one without the other just isn't good enough. I think that's one reason why it is so hard.

    I think this is a great realization you have come to and that you are now well on your way to true recovery. I am really proud of what you have overcome and the journey you are embarking on.

    Take Care!

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  5. I agree with Lauren! In recovery, we must face the challenge ED has told us NOT to: To gain wieght= health and finally claim our life back 100% become "normal", happy and even great! We all have that power but ED is the first one to prevent us from using it, he wants to deprive us of LIFE, fuel actually! Keep a positive mindset, don't stress about the amount of energy you're taking in, just the GREAT feelings and LIFE it will bring you! :D lots of love, Laci ;)

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  6. Beautifully said!
    Don't worry about what hasn't happened get. Embrace the change, embrace the feelings that come with it.
    Because it will lead you to a great life. You are on the right path!

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  7. <3

    You know what's weird? I have found that the times I have BEEN at a healthy weight, I have had much less thoughts about weight/body image/feeling "big"/thinking about food. All that stuff seems to kick in for me at lower weights...it gets harder before it gets easier but there is a light at the end of the tunnel (I need to keep reminding myself of this too- I have the same exact fears you do)

    xxx

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  8. Thanks for the comment :) I am really proud of you for making the decision that recovery means gaining weight even though it is going to be tough. you can do it though, i believe in you

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  9. WOOOO weight gain!!! I'm with you on that one dear! It's tough, but we'll have SO much more energy and a more clear understanding and motivation to recover!

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  10. I really, really like your blog. You're so strong and inspirational for all of those (like me) who've struggled with body issues..thank you for your words! I too am hoping to go into performing arts..are you just a dancer or do you act/sing as well?

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  11. PS- I hope you don't mind if I add you to my blogroll. I've just started :)

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  12. Aww, I love this post! I agree with you-if it's not uncomfortable in recovery, we are not pushing hard enough! :) Thanks so much for the comment!
    <3 jess :)
    xxx

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  13. Hey girl! I am so glad that you are one step closer! :D

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